I have a very strong need to feel rebellious. And very weak capacity for actual rebellion. That being said, I have fully embraced this idea of running away, and since about December have used my impending semester in Oregon as a method by which to rationalize every strange decision I make. "Oh well," I say to myself, "I get to run away."
Even with the Excuse in full swing, I find every attempted rebellion essentially thwarted. If it's not my noisy conscience, it's the sense that I'm doing fine and should stop trying to rationalize normalcy. And if it's not that, it's old Greek Guys with Dolce and Gabbana glasses stopping me on Grand Avenue to ask whether I believe in God and Jesus. To which I must answer, enthusuastically, yes.
And so the rebellion is not the point. The point is I have a new rain jacket which I've taken for two test drives. Once for a night run around the block in the pouring rain and once for a barefoot puddly wander with Lelia and Kevin. I have a new rain jacket, and a new sleeping bag, and a new place to go filled with new people to love.
I get to go to this New Place in 5 days. 5 more days of failed rebellion to go. Or 5 more days to love This Place and These People before I take off to love That Place and Those People.
Excuses are so stupid.
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Oh Kasey! You are so smart and creative! I LOVE this!!! Have fun running away!
ReplyDeleteKasey. This is great. Very well articulated. Brings me back to this summer, and actually being there with you discussing life as it goes by and trying together to jump into it. You leave this morning, and my thoughts go with you that you may leave all excuses behind and learn to think and grow and love more and that you may discover God in new ways and in unexpected places. I love you my sister.
ReplyDeleteCarrie Carter
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